This week I would like to talk about feeling stuck. It's not the easiest thing to admit that this past year, I have felt very stuck. But being honest is what this blog is all about so here it goes.
Getting stuck is such a strange thing. It's like driving in LA. You're in your car listening to your music, cruising along and then all at once you realize, "I have no idea where I am." Then you start to feel a lack of trust in your directional skills so you pull over and whip out the GPS on your phone. You put in the address and if you have AT&T it says "loading" for 10 minutes. Then you get impatient and frustrated with yourself; doing everything you can to stop yourself from chucking your phone out the window. Then you kind of chuckle for being so imperfectly human and for getting so flustered. You take a deep breath, restart your phone, re enter the address more calmly now and continue on your way. You might get to your destination a little later than expected but you get there. And hopefully you get there with more patience and understanding of human imperfection.
Using the above analogy, I think I am at the point where the directions finally load on my GPS. Even though I am still living in a state of confusion, things seem to be getting clearer. I think I might see a speckle of light at the end of the tunnel.
It looks like the show I was on, might want me to do weekly videos for them. This opportunity is so exciting to me. It is the first time I have been excited about something in a long time. Now, it's all about keeping my "wits about me" and doing good work. :)
I am trying to feel grateful about things moving in an exciting direction for me. One thing I have noticed is when things start to get good again, we get scared because we don't want to mess it up. We start to get overwhelmed and consumed by the fact that we might not be deserving of something good happening. I started to feel this way and immediately dismissed it. I am choosing to be grateful for all that is small and big in my life. And this is a choice, it does not come easy. I am choosing to embrace this new path knowing that things might not work out exactly the way I want them to or it might be more amazing than expected. I decided, I can't be too timid about what I put out into the world because so much of it is one big experiment anyway.
"Not until we are lost do we begin to find ourselves." -- Henry David Thoreau