The Onion's movie critic Peter K. Rosenthal reviews 'Dawn of the Planet of the Apes' in this week's Film Standard.
One year after confirming the existence of the Higgs Boson, or God Particle, scientists at CERN say they are struggling to find other uses for the giant particle accelerator.
The price of meat in the U.S. hit a record high this week after the big machine that takes all the cows and smashes them got real clogged up with beef.
Video game customization reaches new heights in 'The Elder Scrolls Online' thanks to a feature that allows players to customize their character s bones, flesh, and nervous system.
A report released Friday by the U.S. Administration for Children and Families confirmed that more than three-fourths of overnight campers parents are using the opportunity away from their children to reassess their marriages by living separately. Full article.
The U.S. Government sets aside 600,000 acres of pristine land for future generations to pollute, John Kerry says to defeat them, I must become them, while putting on a black face mask, and a birthday wish is wasted on trying to bring dad bac...
According to a firm statement given Thursday by the institution s staff, this is the final offer that the Minnesota State Museum is going to make for the brown living room sofa used on the hit 1970s sitcom The Mary Tyler Moore Show. Full article.
If you hear the telltale crunch of a hipster s discarded beard under your feet, don t worry: experts say the hirsute young men are just making room to grow even larger, more ironic beards.
A prison rights group protests the treatment of supervillains in the nation s magnetic detainment cubes, a local dad thought he could make it out of a zoo without buying his kids light-up shit, and a pigeon wishes just once it could complete a head ...
Offering one-click companionship for singles who have exhausted all other options, new last-ditch dating website LastShot.com, which launched earlier this week, pairs users with a partner based solely on whether they have open sores anywhere ... Full article.
Contradicting the long-held belief that they would just go off and destroy anyone who tried to mess with them, a Department of Health and Human Services report published Thursday revealed that U.S. Full article.
The cable giant continues to reshape the media landscape, bundling company Vice President Brandon Graves interpretive character showcase with all cable and Internet packages.
States offer millions in tax breaks to any person who says high-tech jobs, a child is entertained for five minutes by a toy that will take 1 million years to biodegrade, and God s will is the only thing keeping an AC unit in a window.
According to incoming reports from beaches and pools across the country this week, lifeguard tryouts were once again a breeze for the nation s Blakes. Full article.
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