Joey realizes his intense feelings for Rachel are excluding Ross from the joys of impending fatherhood.
Phoebe's grandma dies and the gang attends the funeral. While greeting guests and handing out their 3-D glasses, Phoebe meets a man who claims to be the deceased's son ... making him Phoebe's dad. She coerces him into meeting her, and tells him that she's his daughter, and asks him why he left her. He says he was a terrible father, and that even the songs he made up to try and get her to sleep only made her cry. She asks him to sing one for her, and realizes that it's set to the same melody as 'Smelly Cat.' Meanwhile, Joey has a big audition and goes to Rachel to help him dress for success. She convinces him to carry a new unisex bag, that greatly resembles a woman's purse. Soon Joey is attached to the bag and all it's compartments, and begins to take it everywhere. Finally the gang convinces him to give up the bag.
Ross's and Rachel's attempt to explain to the gang how they wound up in bed together six weeks earlier quickly devolves into an argument over who came on to whom -- until Ross shocks the room by announcing that he has the whole encounter on videotape. Meanwhile, Monica and Chandler return from their honeymoon, excited at the prospect of hanging out with another just-married couple they met on the flight home...until they discover that their newfound 'friends' gave them a fake phone number.
Mr. Heckles dies and leaves his 'estate' (which consists of a bunch of junk, much of it stolen from our gang) to Monica and Rachel. Rachel wants to keep an ugly lamp and Monica is against it. Rachel accuses her of still thinking of 'their' place as 'her' place and, when Monica accidentally breaks the lamp, Rachel's point is made --that is, until Monica replaces it with an equally hideous clock which Rachel had also admired. Meanwhile, Chandler, in thumbing through Heckles' yearbook, realizes he is living the same life Heckles did and becomes terrified that he, too, will end up alone because he is too picky about women's superficial flaws. After he stoops to calling Janice (which, luckily, doesn't lead to anything, because she is married and pregnant), the women convince Chandler that he's no different from the rest of the men on the planet, which makes him feel much better. And Phoebe lets it slip that she doesn't believe in evolution, which drives Ross nuts, so he keeps trying to make her change her mind.
Drake reports to Phoebe. Chandler and Monica look for a room in the hospital to use for a tryst. After 21 hours of labor, Rachel's ready to have the baby. Joey blows it for Phoebe but fixes it just as quickly. The baby is in breach, but comes out okay. After Ross and Rachel kiss, the baby is named Emma Geller Green. Monica and Chandler find a janitor's closet. Janice convinces Rachel that she needs a guy who will be around. Ross still isn't interested, but Phoebe talks him into it. Joey finds the engagement ring. Rachel thinks he's proposing and says yes, as Ross walks down the hall with flowers.
Ross thinks it's disgusting when Phoebe tastes Carol's breast milk while preparing a bottle for the baby, Ben. The group is divided as to whether there's anything 'gross' about it. Meanwhile, everyone but Rachel has become friends with Julie. Monica, feeling like she's being 'unfaithful,' hides the friendship from Rachel and behaves like a guilty, unfaithful lover, buying Rachel flowers, etc. Eventually, Rachel finds a lunch receipt in Monica's jacket pocket and the truth comes out. After a girls' heart-to-heart, Rachel decides she'll try to become friends with Julie, herself. Meanwhile, a heated rivalry, a la the Old West, develops between Joey, still working at Bloomingdale's as the 'Aramis Guy,' and the new spritzer on the block, the 'Hombre Guy.'
Ross and Chandler post bogus information about each other on their college's alumni web site. It escalates until Chandler posts that Ross has died, and Ross arranges a memorial service to see who comes. Emma grows attached to Joey's stuffed toy penguin, Hugsy. He gets another one so he can have the original back, but Emma doesn't go for it. Phoebe and Mike struggle with their break-up, and are drawn back together.
It could be a long sleepless night for everyone as Rachel finagles to spend her first night with Tag until it dawns on her that they did not overnight an important package before they left work, while a clueless Ross and risk their lives when they are stuck on their building's chilly roof. Elsewhere, Phoebe can't rid herself of a relentlessly beeping smoke alarm and Chandler and Monica annoy each other just enough to remain wide-awake.
Rachel interviews for her dream job at Ralph Lauren, and inadvertently kisses the interviewer when he leans in to shake her hand. When she is called back for a second interview, she worries that the man is not interested in her work, but rather believes that she will do anything to get the job. As she waits in the lobby for her second interview, she nervously taps a pen against her teeth, leaving a huge ink stain on her lip. When the interviewer subtly taps his own lip to tell Rachel about the ink, she assumes he's coming on to her. She gives him a piece of her mind and storms out of the office, only to return to the apartment and discover the stain. She returns to the interviewer one more time to plead her case and ends up getting the job. Meanwhile, Monica's competitive streak rears its head yet again when Phoebe says that she and her new boyfriend are in the hot phase of their relationship. Monica claims that she and Chandler are as hot as ever, and embarks on a ridiculous attempt to have more sex than Phoebe.
Monica remains blissfully unaware of the potential disasters on her wedding day.
Monica playfully prepares a special Valentine's Day for Chandler, complete with sexy lingerie and racy entertainment. However, Chandler is too shocked to respond favorably after accidentally viewing the wrong videotape: a birthing video meant for Rachel. Meanwhile, Ross has difficulty informing his girlfriend, Mona (recurring guest star BONNIE SOMERVILLE), that Rachel has moved in with him. His scheme to gain Mona's favor with a perfect Valentine's Day date is thwarted when Mona arrives at his apartment unannounced. Also, Phoebe tries to enliven a depressed Joey by bringing him the world's most cheerful dog.
Chandler and Monica go to Ohio to be interviewed by the birth mother (Erica) of their prospective child. Due to a mix-up, she thinks Chandler is a doctor and Monica a reverend. Monica wants to let the illusion continue, but Chandler insists on telling the truth, which almost costs them the baby. Joey persuades a reluctant Phoebe to set him up with her friend, Sarah. Joey is hesitant to call Sarah for a second date, because during dinner she took some fries from his plate (Joey doesn't share food). Ross seeks fashion advice from Rachel and Phoebe for an upcoming date (with Joan), so they take him shopping. Their bags get mixed up; Ross ends up wearing a women's blouse -- the same blouse Joan is wearing.
Monica bumps into Richard in a video store. After catching up the two decide to work on their friendship. However, the more time they spend together, the more sexual their relationship becomes. Unable to just 'be friends' the two go their separate ways. Phoebe dates a guy who wears shorts that are too revealing. Joey and Rachel agree to read each other's books. Joey reads 'Little Women' while Rachel reads 'The Shining.' Joey can't make it through 'Little Women'-- it's too sad and makes him cry.
Chandler meets a very attractive girl, only to discover that she's dating Joey. As he gets to know Kathy better, Chandler's feelings grow deeper. Even though Joey appears to have no strong attachment to his new girlfriend, Chandler cannot help but respect that Kathy's his best friend's girl. Meanwhile, Rachel and Ross go out of their way to make each other jealous by mentioning their new love interests. Josh, Rachel's much younger beau, ends up stealing from her while Ross turns out to be nothing more than a baby-sitter for his new girlfriend Amanda. Phoebe's cold has turned her singing voice from high-pitched and whiny to sexy and sultry. When she recovers, she desperately tries to catch another cold.
Phoebe plans a special dinner out for her birthday, and all the gang plans to come. However, only she and Joey make it on time. Monica and Chandler are late because they fight over the fact that he's started smoking again; and because she's ovulating and wants to conceive. Rachel and Ross are late because they lock themselves out of their apartment while Emma's inside; and their babysitter (Mrs. Geller) is late. Ross uses a lot of antiquated phrases, and Monica has the breasts of a greek goddess (according to Phoebe). Joey struggles with hunger, but in the end gets to eat everyone's food.
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