The Get Out Of My Face guys have their heads in the clouds this week, but they're still taking on Cam Newton's assumed competence and Stephen Strasburg's tissue paper arm.
Brooke takes time out of her busy schedule to answer viewer questions in a totally casual -- not because the network coerced her into pretending to be casual -- setting.
John Clarkson, the unconscious GOP frontrunner, was forced to drop out of the race after he was caught receiving oral sex from a very unattractive nurse.
The spittle and invectives fly as Doc and Kenny recount Sidney Crosby's travails and the WNBA's plan to horrifically maim their players for ratings.
Brooke gives her opinion on different lying techniques in Washington after a viewer asks her whether it's worse when Republicans lie or when President Obama lies.
Guests on the Onion News Network's new political-debate show 'The Beltway' decide who's leading and who's bleeding in the 24-hour political battle royale.
First Responders attempt to bluff their way through a discussion of the most recent Republican debate.
After an earthquake renders hundreds of dogs homeless, reporter O'Brady Shaw pledges to put down every last animal himself.
A local man is proud he can still fit into his car from high school, 'Stray To Be Destroyed' tops the list of cat names for the 24th straight year, and a Pekingese is really letting itself go since winning Westminster.
A Greyhound bus crash claims 30 miserable lives, a Stanford study finds no logical reason why planes are able to fly, and a local man goes and gets himself hit by a goddamn bus.
The Onion looks back at Alabama's first desegregated mass suicide, the historic V.E. Day Speech from FDR's rotting corpse, and the completion of the transcontinental railroad with the gold-plated femur of a Chinaman.
Shelby Cross continues her crusade against bogs and marshes, which are good for nothing other than hiding bodies.
The Onion's Editorial Cartoonist since 1957, Stan Kelly takes on the controversial issue of medical marijuana
The Onion looks back at the admission of Ant Colony 000082567KLN00067X into the Union, Nelson Mandela becoming fully rehabilitated through South Africa's stellar penal system, and the day construction workers realized they built the Erie Canal in the wro...
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