Experts confirm the British Empire will be reduced to 8 square acres around Buckingham Palace by 2050, a reclusive deity hasn t written a new book in 2,000 years, and a local rescue dog is adopted for a couple weeks.
Explaining that her statements indicated a failure to understand and implement the district s goal of providing a comprehensive education to all children, Southwest High School officials reportedly fired ninth-grade history teacher Jennifer Steenman today after she was heard saying she learns more from her students than they do from her. Full article.
A tragic scene in Virginia as a gunman opened fire at the offices of SlashForward Marketing. Managers described the timing of the shooting as incredibly inopportune as the company is already struggling to meet its Q3 sales goals.
The NFL announces a new zero-tolerance policy on videotaped domestic violence, a puzzled nation can remember the name Ferguson, but is not sure from where, and a man wearing an M&M jacket is apparently made in God's image.
I-90 adds a lane for drivers traveling cross country to stop a woman from marrying the wrong man, a job applicant totally nails an interview with the person who will make his life a living hell for the next five years, and adjusting several sliders on a r...
Citing the central role the process plays in cognitive development, a study released Thursday by the American Psychological Association found that boys do not reach emotional maturity until avenging the murder of their father. Full article.
An unpopular police officer thinks about committing a racially motivated offense for a little support, a middle-aged man is having the best snacks of his life, and a housefly drops everything to go stand on a watermelon slice.
The sandwich chain says it is 'deeply sorry' if customers mistakenly believed that eating an entire foot of food could somehow be considered healthy.
The Republican Party may have an insurmountable lead among young voters who dress and act like they re already 50 years old.
A battleship is awkwardly propped up against the Ferguson Police Department, an area Facebook user is incredibly stupid, and a local mom s bathing suit is just one giant, body-eclipsing ruffle.
In a move designed to help the metropolitan area attract more tourists, Salt Lake City officials unveiled a new advertising campaign Thursday reminding potential visitors that they can leave at any time. Full article.
Hoping to reinforce their fire safety message, the U.S. Forest Service debuted a brand new ad campaign featuring the horrific, preventable death of their beloved mascot Smokey.
A local man feels even lazier when he thinks about how much ISIS has accomplished this year, a police officer doesn t see a difference between black and light-skinned black suspects, and a weak-willed termite eats a whole log in one sitting.
The new app pinpoints the unique existential angst at the core of each runner s workout routine.
The Onion's movie critic Peter K. Rosenthal looks back at 'Dirty Dancing' in this week's Film Standard.
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