Top Ten List - The Ways David Letterman has been Sexually Harassing his Late Night Staff.
# 10 ) I've been buying so-oooo much Viagra that the price of the Company Stock has gone way up. You know, despite the Stock Market Crash.
# 9 ) Lately, I've been sporting a pretty nifty " I Sexually Harassed The Employee of the Month " T-Shirt.
# 8 ) When I get to the spot on their Job Descriptions where it says " in what position will you serve under David Letterman " I always giggle and say " Missionary ". :-)
# 7 ) I constantly remind them " I gave you a job. Now how about you give me a job. eh-heh "it says hand or blow."
# 6 ) My cleaning lady has been complaining about the strong smell of urine and all the empty EPT pregnancy sticks clogging the toilets in my private bathroom.
# 5 ) I've been complaing that the worst part about the blackmail was getting fingered....by a dude! cause normally I'm the one doing the fingering.
# 4 ) I've been smelling the Staff's office chairs and then announcing in a loud voice " Gee ! your hair smells terrific ! "
# 3 ) I've been waving cashed Blackmail Checks around as unequivical proof that I do not repulse all women and that some will actually even have sex with me.
# 2 ) I've been making the Staff play " find their paycheck "...and here's a big hint. Their paychecks are always hidden somewhere...in my pants.
# 1) Who gives a shit.cause basically, it's my word against theirs, and who is a judge really going to believe. Wink, Wink.